The Lord of the Rings Characters go to Preschool
by Daydream1
Summary: UPDATE! The title tells all! In this story, the now very young Lord of the rings cast to go to preschool. All of them! Even Elrond, Gandalf, Sauron, little ringwraiths! They're so cute!
1. Default Chapter

The Fellowship of the Ring goes to Daycare.  
  
Disclaimer: (Swinging a sword) I own the one Fellowship! Actually I don't. It belongs to the late J.R.R. Toilken.  
  
Author: Non other than Daydream!  
  
Information about this nutcase writing of mine: The FOTR is going to Daycare! It's their first day so I'm going to be as easy on them as I can (grins evilly). But don't worry I can't hurt three-year-olds.  
  
"NO, MOMMY! I DON WANNA STAY!" screamed Legolas as his mother tried to pry him away from her leg. "Legolas, we've been through a million times. You are staying!" Succeeding in loosening him, Mrs.Greenleaf kissed her son goodbye and ran towards the door. "AHHHHHHH! Come back!" he screeched again. His teacher Ms.Noname walked over to him and asked him "Don't you won't to meet your classmates?" "NO! I WANT MY MOMMY!" "Okay. I know that, but she had to go save the world or something like that so you get to stay here!" Legolas looked like he was about to start screaming again so she left him alone.  
  
Aragorn walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hi, I am Strider, Dunadan, Aragorn." He went on listing the endless names that had been abusively placed on him as a baby. Legolas gave him a clueless look so he got to the point. "Want to go pick on Sauron?" "Sauron? Who's that?" Strider shook his untamed head of hair. "And I thought elves were pose to be smart!" He pointed over to a corner where a small nerdy looking boy dressed in all black was sitting, picking his nose. "He thinks he's some great and powerful dark lord or something. Everyone here likes to pick on him." Legolas thought that it could be fun so the two of them went over to the already forming ring of little kids.  
  
Sauron suddenly stood up and yelled, "Behold! The one Ring!" In his hand was a small plastic ring out of a twisty machine thing. A/N: I have no idea what they're really called. A really short kid about one foot tall jumped on him and yelled, "MINE!" The two dorks fought until the teacher came over and separated them. "Look Frodo, this is the fifth time this week you've went berserk over a ring. This time you're going to Mordor. You to, Sauron." Sauron happily yells for joy while Frodo begs for mercy.  
  
Near the blocks on the other side of the play room two really old looking short people were hitting each other with sock'em boppers. "Why are we doing this!?" asked one of them. He had on a pointy hat. "Cause I said so cause I'm Saruman the yellow!" Gandalf gave him a weird look. "I thought you were Saruman the white." "You have chosen the way of pain I said as I bopped him with my sock'em bopper!" Saruman spoke to himself. "Do you always speak to yourself or are you just an idiot?" asked boy with dark brown hair that was in a bunch of knots. "Elrond, would you stay out of this!" both wizard said at the same time and went back to bopping each other with the boppers.  
  
"Snack time!" called out Ms.Noname. Pippin, Merry, and Sam scrambled to be first in line. "I'm first today! I'm first today!" sang Pippin in a happy tone. "If you're full enough to sing let me pass you." begged Merry. "No way! I've been waiting months for this!" As soon as everyone had sat down and began to eat, Boromir stood up holding a cookie and said, "It is a gift! We shall use it to." A banana peel came flying across the room and landed on his foot. "Darn. Got another one Gloom?" One pile of black cloth said to one of the other nine blobs of cloth in the class. "Nope, sorry Doom." Dejectedly the Nazgul looked down at his feet.  
  
"The end of snack time is upon us. Who shall be brave enough to ask for more?" Elrond asked of the preschoolers. Then a cry rang out. "Not me! Not his time! I asked yesterday!" It was small Frodo. "Okay never mind then."  
  
All of the round little faces turned toward the plate of cookies. Glances at the others faces were taken and doubts were confirmed. There was only one cookie left. "It's the elves cookie!" Yelled all the elves in the room. "No it's mine. My precious!" Everyone drew their weapons, which were all made of plastic and plushie beanbag stuff save Frodo who had a light-up lightsaber. "The orcs are near!" he yelled maniacally thrusting the toy at Sam who dodged trying to explain that he wasn't an orc. Finally he got fed up with Frodo. "Would you quit that you stupid little git!?"  
  
The groups of people all around rushed to get the cookie. When the teacher came into the room, she was hit in the forehead with a stick on arrow. "You got in the way of mighty Legolas's arrow! You shall be vanquished!" With that, Legolas leapt toward the teacher and bit her on the leg. "OWWW! I don't care if you're the Prince of Mirkwood or whatever, you will NOT bite people on the leg!" She grabbed him by the pointed ear and thrust him into Mordor.  
  
At arts and crafts time the little members of the LOTR were sitting at tables, constructing things out of playdough. "Hey look I made a bunny!" said Saruman, holding up a blob of clay. "No you didn't." came a voice from the far end of the table. "Who dares to go against the word of Saruman?" A rather scary looking girl with blond hair that looked like someone had taken a weed eater to it stood up. "I did you idiot!" A look of fear came over Saruman. "Sorry Galadriel, I didn't know it was you." "Of course you didn't, dummy." She said and sat down on her plastic throne.  
  
"Nap time, children" Ms.Noname told the short indignant people. "The Dark Lord needs no sleep!" Ms.Noname's eyes filled with fury. "YOU WILL GO TO SLEEP NOW, Sherman!" Everyone gave Sauron a strange look. "Your name's Sherman?" Legolas laughed. "You told them my real name." He whined. "Yes and anyways" she said turning her gaze to Legolas, "How did you get out of Mordor?" Legolas rolled his eyes. "I'm an Elf. I don't like Mordor. I have friends. Does that answer your question?" Ms. Noname sighed. "No, but a have no time left to ponder this thought. I must fade into the West." Elrond gave her a confused look. "But you're not an Elf." "I DON'T CARE! IF I DON'T GET AWAY FROM YOU NUTCASE KIDS I'M GOING TO GO BONKERS!" and with that she ran out the door screaming at the top of her lungs.  
  
More crazy memories to follow. Hope you had fun reading all this but I could use some ideas! They seem to come less and less. HELP!! 


	2. Who is this guy?

Disclaimer: My sword broke so I can't threaten you (That's why I haven't updated this thing). Darn it, I feel deprived. I don't own the Fellowship of the Ring. (  
  
Author: Daydream  
  
Let's see, what should happen to our little pals? (Squeal) I've got it!  
  
A big, big guy walked into the room and looked at the little kids all around him. They were all screaming while running around in circles. "SILENCE!" he roared. All movement stopped except for Sauron who was endlessly picking his nose. "I am Teacher! I make the rules and you follow. There will be no back talk, no shouting, and absolutely no running! If these rules are not followed you will have problems. Is this clear?" He looked around the room. Shocked little faces stared back. Then a small voice struck his ears. "I speake no Englishe! Onle dwarfish." A short child with a beard (I know but he'd look weird without it) was sitting at the Lego (hehehe) table with a look of confusion on his face. Coming over to him like doom in the night Teacher picked him up by the beard. "Do you think it's funny to make fun of language barriers? I don't!" Teacher breathed into his face. Gimli gave him a helpless look and tried to flag one of his fellow classmates to help him. Finally, Boromir came to the dwarf's rescue. "He really doesn't understand what you're saying. He's not that bright." Gimli struggled out of Teacher's grip, muttering in dwarfish. After being released he went over and kicked Boromir in the shin. "Idiot." Gimli said.  
  
  
  
"Teacher when's second snack?" asked Pippin warily. The big man looked down at the hobbit. "It's only 11. You get lunch at twelve and if I'm not mistaken you've already had a snack. Isn't that right?" the teacher told him. Pippin sighed. He was always having to explain this. "Look. Hobbits are very hungry people and eat a lot. We get very cranky when WE'RE HUNGRY!!" with this he jumped up to grab Teacher's tie. Teacher watched as the pre-schooler kept bouncing. He was missing by at least a mile. "You don't get snack." He said and walked away. Pippin angrily looked after him. "Well, see if you get a teacher's day present!"  
  
  
  
In a corner a bunch of kids were sitting a table discussing a very important matter. "WHY DO ALL OUR NAMES START WITH E?! What is with that?" shouted Elrond. The other people all nodded their heads. "I agree. Why? I mean was that a thing or something when our parents were kids?" asked Elrohir. "Hey wait. You are my kid." Elrond said with a strange look on his face. Before their very eyes Elrohir disappeared. "Wow. Where go Elrohir?" asked Eomer. Elladan jumped up and ran across the room. There he cowered in a shelf behind a teddy bear. "Please don't say it, please don't say it." He whispered to himself. "What are you doing?" asked Gandalf pushing aside the stuffed animal. "I'm hiding from Elrond and hoping he doesn't say what I don't want him to say cause if he says it I go pouf!" The elf quickly said. Gandalf nodded his head slowly. "Right. You do that." He left shaking his head.  
  
  
  
"I still don't understand how we go about this." said Legolas looking at a large cage by the wall. Aragorn sighed. "It's simple. You go in with the food, put the food in the bowl, and then run for dear life, got it?" The elf shook his head and tried to run away but his friend grabbed the back of his tunic. "No, the cage is this way Lego." Aragorn shoved a fish into Legolas's arms. "Ewww!" cried Legolas and he fought him till they got to the door. "Just don't blink. It thinks it's dishonoring." Aragorn told him. "Eeep." Legolas said as he was pushed into the cage. It was covered in cedar shavings and a huge water bottle was hanging from the ceiling. Making his way over to the food dish, he quickly tossed the fish in. Suddenly he heard a noise come from the back corner. "Preciousss?" Legolas's head jerked up. Beside him was a short figure as big as Pippin or Merry but it wasn't a hobbit. "WAHHHHHH!" Legolas screamed and ran for the gate. The creature followed him. "OOOH. Pretty person. Pretty hair." Gollum said. "NOOOO! Not my hair!" Legolas grabbed his long locks and slammed himself against the bars. "Not my Herbal Essence, shampooed perfectly, brushed exactly 1000 times hair! Anything but that! Aragorn let me out!" Aragorn giggled and swung the keys in front of Legolas. "I can't believe you fell for feeding Gollum on the first day gag!" Legolas grabbed the keys from him and quickly opened the door. "Stay back! I'm an Elf!" he yelled and tried to shut the door. Gollum escaped anyway. "Pretty hair! Want hair self. Look loverly!" He said and chased after Legolas. The two proceeded to destroy the entire room. Toys, blocks, little kids all went flying. "Out of the way!" screamed Legolas. Finally Gollum caught him and drug him back to his cage. "Make Pretty hair nice." Gollum said. Legolas whimpered.  
  
  
  
LATER after Legolas escaped from Gollum.  
  
"Let's play house." Said Arwen to the host of kids in front of her. "I'm going to be the Mommy that goes and saves the world and Aragorn can be the Daddy that stays home and watches the children." Aragorn wrinkled his nose. "No way! I want to be the warrior with no family so he can go where he wants." Arwen stared him down. "I'll call the floody thing down on you if you don't do what I want." Aragorn feared water so he gave in. Arwen now turned to the rest of the kids. "Okay what other positions do I have open?" She pointed to the hobbits. "Yippee! Quartlets." (Don't know what they're called) The four hobbits gave each other looks and then looked back to Arwen. "NO! they said simultaneously. Arwen acted as if she hadn't noticed as she continued to pull baby bonnets on each of their heads. After she finished she gave the other children parts. Then they all started to play. "Arff. Arff!" barked Legolas. Galadriel hissed at him. Aragorn called Legolas to him. "Stay. Good dog. What's with your hair?" Aragorn asked. Legolas growled and tugged at his now rugged, shoulder length hair. "Not talking about it." He muttered. Arwen yelled from the kitchen "Legolas, you're a dog and you can't talk!" Legolas made a face at the kitchen door (Of the playhouse. You know those plastic things!). In a play pen made of blocks the hobbits were crying up a storm. "We want Babas! We want Babas!" they cried. "Also want new Dipee!" Frodo said. The other hobbits edged away from him. "Why do I have to be the Grandma?" asked Saruman. "Because I didn't want to and Elrond refused. You have to admit you look so stupid in that dress." said Gandalf. Saruman bopped him with his sockem bopper.  
  
Arwen was in the kitchen humming a song while cooking on the make-believe stove. "I want a beet! NOW!" she screamed suddenly. "A beet? What's a beet?" Arwen put her hands on her hips. "I don't know but I want one!" "What are they used for? I bet you don't even know!" Aragorn said smugly. "I DO SO! It's a secret only girls know. DUUH!" she said sticking her tongue out. "Whatever. Come on Legolas" he said to the elf who was sitting beside him, "The 'misses' wants a beet." After they left the playhouse, Legolas whispered to Aragorn. "What's a beet?" Aragorn shrugged.  
  
  
  
I'm going to leave you hanging. ^_^ I know this wasn't as good as last time but it'll get better cause I'm going to send them to the uhhh, zoo! In a later chapter okay! 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Hey y'all, guess what!? I have no idea what I'm doing! Isn't that so cool? Actually I don't understand why I have to do this but I DON'T ON THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING OR WHATEVER ELSE THAT ISN'T MINE THAT I'VE PUT INTO THIS STINKIN' STORY! Thank you. (Smiles sweetly while readers stare in amazement)  
  
Author: Daydream (which is fun especially during math class!)  
  
Hey my faithful readers! What's up? All I know is that a big blue thing with white eyebrows is but enough about me and my mental problems. Let's the story start.  
  
  
  
(Okay I had a request from Talking Hawk ^-^ for an extended part of the Gollum and Legolas bit so here it goes!)  
  
"No, please, what are you doing!?" Legolas whimpered. He was tied with bungee cords to the water bottle. "Pretty, pretty hair. Loverly hair. Gollum brush, make nice." said Gollum running his brush through Legolas's hair. Legolas jerked his head around. "Leggo my hair you little frog thingy!" Gollum looked hurt. "Pretty-hair person don like me make hair nice- nice? Well, pretty-hair person don get no hair!" Gollum pulled out a pair of scissors and started hacking away at Legolas's hair. "AHHHHH!" Legolas screeched and went berserk. "Still." Gollum hissed, "Stay still, pretty person!" Legolas grabbed a nearby Carebear and started wacking Gollum with it. Gollum recoiled screeching, "The light, The light!" Making a run for it, Legolas stared at the Bear. "Thank you, Sunshine Bear! I love you!" He trotted over to where Aragorn was arguing with Arwen over something.  
  
Back to where we were.  
  
"Beet, beet, what's a beet?"Aragorn was mumbling to himself. Legolas looked to his friend. "I think it's pink and square but I'm not sure." They walked through the room, asking kids that hadn't been dragged in by Arwen to play House if they had any idea what a beet was. "Oooooh, I know!" A Nazgul said and began tapping his foot and clapping his hands. Aragorn looked upward and mouthed Why-me? After awhile Legolas suggested the unthinkable. "No, no, no! No way, no how, not possible!" Aragorn said waving his arms about. Legolas crossed his arms. "It's the only choice we have if we don want to have the floody-thing called down upon us." Suddenly it dawned on Aragorn. "Can't you say don't?" "Huh?" Legolas asked at the sudden change in conversation. "Every time you say don't you say don. Haven't you noticed?" Aragorn questioned. Legolas shuffled his feet. "Let's not get into that right now, K?" Aragorn shrugged and then decided to do what Legolas suggested in the first place. As they made their way into the forbidden zone, they went over what to say. "Okay look at it straight on and don't remark about what it looks like. Actually flatter it remarks on its beauty." Legolas coached Aragorn on the proper procedures. Aragorn started to get really nervous as they approached the Play School Castle.  
  
The two friends entered at the same time after being admitted by the guards (two stuffed rabbits) and cowered before the occupant. "Um." Aragorn started but then hesitated. Legolas gave him an angry look and then mouthed hurry up stupid. Starting over Aragorn began with "Oh Lovely wonderful mistress, may we ask you a question since you are all knowing?" A cold voice came from the plastic throne, "You would wouldn't you, Idiotic human! (Sigh) I will grant you one question." "What's a beet, gracious one?" Aragorn asked. "How dare you!" yelled the voice, "You shall not speak those words within this building." Aragorn trebled and nodded. Feeling brave, Legolas stood up and shook his little fist at her. "You don't know either, do ya Galadriel?" He said with a smirk. "I do so! I'm just not going to tell you, stupid boy!" The blonde elf toddler stood up, shouting with her hands on her hips. The two boys were rolling on the floor in laughter. "Ha ha, can't breathe, all knowing girl doesn't know, ha ha!" "Shut up!" Galadriel yelled and flung a toy at the boys. "Here, this is Beet." Aragorn looked down at the little toy in his hands. It had on a clown costume and it looked as if someone had left it in the sun for to long. "This is a beet?!" He asked. "Du-uh. Why else would I give it to you, you little snot head." She said and pushed them out of the castle. "Now go away."  
  
Making their way back to the play house Legolas and Aragorn fought many things, like the monster in Elrond's cubby and a couple of aliens. When they finally got there it was all Aragorn could do to stand up as he presented Beet to Arwen. She picked it up and scrutinized it. "This isn't a beet." "WHAT?!" the two boys let out an exasperated yell. Legolas grabbed the toy from her and held it up to her face. "This is BEET! Galadriel said it was, you pin prick!" Arwen's eyes grew huge. "What did you call me?!" She half yelled. Hobbit heads peeked out of the door. "Ooooouuh. Doggy in trouble!" Pippin said. "Mommy bite his head off!" Merry yelled happily. Legolas gave them evil looks. "When we're older see if I catch you when we're in a cave somewhere." Their heads slowly retracted. Starting again (again) Arwen showed them what a beet was. "See, this nice person dressed in black came up and helped me out. He showed me what a beat was!" She began clapping her hands and stopping her feet. "Aaarrghhh!" The two companions yelled and fell back on to the ground.  
  
Also a request from Talking Hawk)  
  
"La la lalala lalala LALALALALALA!" Sam yelled as he and Frodo walked around the playroom. Turning to his friend Frodo asked Sam, "Whatcha singin?" Sam stopped and yelled back "THE LALA SONG!" Frodo jumped up and down. "Can I sing too?!" Sam nodded quickly. "Yah it goes like this! La lalala lalalalalalala LA! Got it?" "Uh huh, Uh huh." Frodo said and the two of them walked off hand in hand singing at the top of their little lungs. "LALALALALALALALALALA!" They sang as they reached a high note. Gandalf winced as he walked by. He went over to the hobbits and covered their mouths. "Shut up please or take a chorus class." The hobbits looked sadly at him. Gandalf almost cried at their pitiful looks. "But we was only singin the lala song. Is that so wrong?" Walking by, Eowen shook a finger at Gandalf. "What did you do to them you evil old wizard?" She draped her arms around Frodo. "Its okay, you can sing your song." "Really?" Sam asked. "Yes, the mean old man want bother you any more." The hobbits looked at each other and bonced up and down with joy. "Lalalalalalalala lal lala lala!" They sang happily even though it was terribly off tune. Shrugging to Gandalf as she watched the hobbits Eowen said, "AT least they're happy." "Whatever." Gandalf said and covered his ears.  
  
Okay a want to post this before I look up Science Essay stuff. Please review quickly. 


	4. The Insane Elf andor The plots of Quickf...

Disclaimer: I don't own the Fellowship of the Rings.DUI!!! ^_^  
  
More nonsense from baby fellowship members!!! I'm not begging, but I wanted to know if y'all had any ideas. I know I've read some fanfics and been saying in my mind 'Oh, if they did this next it'd be so GREAT!' and I'd like to know if any of y'all had any of those feelings! ^_^  
  
Teacher stood up with an annoyed look on his face. He turned to the mini- people and scowled. "It is now time for Show and Tell. You show and tell, got it?" he demanded with a cross look on his face. The little kids nodded except for Gimli who still can't understand English. Teacher pointed at Aragorn. "You first." he demanded. Aragorn stood up with a childish smile.  
  
"K, my name's Aragorn, Estel, Strider, Dunadain,." he was cut off by the yells of many small, but significant people.  
  
"WE KNOW ALREADY!!" Aragorn grinned some more and then put a bunch of crumpled up tin foil on the table. Everyone leaned forward and stared in awe of the shiny little pieces of cheap metal. Then they got bored of the shiny and wanted something new.  
  
"These are the shards of Narsis.no, wait. Maybe it was Silmaril. Nope, that was the other shiny thing. Narisel? NO! THAT'S NOT IT EITHER!!" Aragorn was very disappointed in himself and tried not to think of what his father would say. 'Probably wouldn't say anything, he'd just kill me. Oh, that's a lot better.' With a bright flash of knowledge, Aragorn, son of Arathorn remembered the forgotten name. "Narsil! That's it!" He looked extremely pleased with himself and his memory skills. Too many games of Disney Memory will do that to you. Merry stared at the pile of tin foil.  
  
"No, tat's tin foil." He said and gave Aragorn a you-are-SO-helpless look. Aragorn shrugged, not really caring.  
  
"My Mommy wouldn't let me bring the real ones so I thought I'd bring the r- r-repal-l-lica I made!" The little hope of man stumbled over the mighty word of 'replica'. Legolas smirked as he tilted his seat back, twined his hands behind his head, and put his feet on the table.  
  
"Nice copy, vvvvery r-rea-al-list-tic." Legolas daringly plucked the word from his mind, trying to outdo the young ranger. Aragorn scowled at his best friend.  
  
"Well, what'd you bring, Blondey?" Aragorn growled as he collected his pile of tin foil and put them back in his pocket along with his dwarf-made yo-yo and a broken arrow head. Legolas smile grew and there was more than a hint of mischief in that simple expression.  
  
"Not little pieces of pa-pathe-ti-tic tin foil!" The elf exclaimed as he raced to the front of the room. He pulled out an armada of arrows, daggers, plus a bow and laid them on the table. "These are my training weapons!" Legolas told the group with a serious expression. He turned to Teacher with an innocent look. "Can I show my friends how they work?" Legolas asked politely, face wiped clean of any evil intention. Teacher nodded and said the magic word that would bring doom upon all of Middle Earth Preschool Class number 00004.  
  
"Sure." Legolas turned around with a warlike appearance and a malicious glint in his eyes.  
  
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Legolas laughed as he proceeded to shoot arrows, throw daggers and hitting everyone with his bow between shooting arrows. Screaming, the classroom immediately erupted as if a volcano had gone off. Long hair was unceremoniously cut off by whizzing arrows, clothes were ripped by whirling daggers, and many bruises were sported for weeks after, resulting from the bow whacks. Haldir sported a rather lovely bruise the shape of the gate of Moria (including words) and would not forgive Legolas for the longest time. Eomer swore vengeance on the Sindarin elf when his prize toy horse, Blacky with White Stripe, was smote by an arrow of doom. After school the preschoolers held a small funeral for the brave and valiant plastic horse whose life was cut short by an elvish arrow.  
  
"HAS HE GONE MAD?!" Elrond yelled as he dived under his plastic Playskool chair, trembling. One of the lordling's knots had been sliced off by a flying knife and he wasn't happy. It was then that he began to plot a council in which he would find a way to have Legolas, shall we say, fade more quickly than he would have liked. Of course, this council did not occur until many ages later when all the preschoolers had grown up and were very important big people. So, the Council of Elrond was not a council to get rid of the Ring! YOU HAVE BEEN DECIEVED!!! It was all Lord Elrond's elaborate plot to 'fade' Legolas quickly. That's why Legolas went on the quest! NOOO!!! Come back Legolas!  
  
"I'm not sure, though it is possible; he -is- an Elf you know." Gandalf replied calmly as an arrow glanced off his hat. It flew backwards and smote another one of Eomer's ponies, this one named Redy With Gold Mane and Tail. Eomer stared at the two fallen horses and doubly swore to get even with the Elf one day. For now the boy went to the small wizard Radagast who was sitting on a rock in the middle of the room, surrounded by woodland creatures. Together, the preschoolers tried to use magic to revive the late Redy With Gold Mane. In the meantime, Elrond stared at Gandalf with huge, bulbous blue eyes.  
  
"TAKE THAT BACK!!" he yelled, knotty hair (minus one knot) flying from side to side. It is said that this is the real way Elrond battled; his hair did all the work. Gandalf shook his head, gray hair flopping back and forth in a similar pattern.  
  
"No! Elves are stupid! Wizards are soooo much BETTER!!!" He announced loudly. Nearby, Saruman raised a small tankard of applejuice.  
  
"Hear, hear!" Gandalf tossed a lit sparkler at him. Gandalf always had a sparkler with him, though it was usually unlit.  
  
"BE GONE, FLAME OF SOMETHING OR OTHER!" He roared in his squeaky little kid voice. Saruman jumped backwards, but there was no need. A little Balrog had snatched the sparkler out of the air and had begun munching on it. Saruman stared at the Balrog and then hugged it, never mind the 3rd degree burns he was going to get.  
  
"I love you!!" The little evil wizard cried. He then began to yelp in pain since the Balrog was on fire and smoke was getting in his eyes. The Balrog grinned at him with a mouth that only had one tooth made of brimstone. "You shall be my friend! Your name's gonna be Flufalicious, but Fluffy for short." Saruman steered the baby Balrog to the left, off towards the play bricks. Meanwhile, Elrond and Gandalf were glowering at each other until Gandalf finally yelled.  
  
"You're still a stupid Elf, Elrond Half-elven!!!"  
  
"ARGH!!" Elrond shouted and attacked the boy with the huge hat. They fell to the ground and were immediately surrounded by short children in strange clothing yelling 'BATTLE! BATTLE! Get 'im Elly! Fight, Gandy, fight! Smash 'is head in! You elves punch like girls! Take that back!' Meanwhile, Legolas was starting to run out of pointy objects to hurl at everyone, but he was still going on even though he was running low on supplies. Also, everyone was beginning to ignore him, which annoyed the little elf to no end.  
  
"MUHAHAHAHAHA!!" he roared, hurling less pointy objects like paper-cutting scissors and trash bags at everyone. They ducked and ran away pouting except for Elrond and Gandalf. The two sat where they were, plotting the 'quick fading' of each other. Elrond decided to form yet ANOTHER council, but this evolved into the same council as the one that was made to 'quick fade' Legolas, better known as the Council of Elrond. Yet again, YOU HAVE BEEN DECIEVED!! That was another plot to kill Gandalf, yet it only half- worked. Poor Elrond.  
  
"That's my laugh!" pouted Sauron unhappily, flicking a bogger at Legolas. Legolas flung a teddy bear at him and smote him to the ground. This made the little orcs unhappy so they all went to Saruman and Fluffy in the play brick castle that had been named 'Orcbank'.  
  
"TAKE THAT!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Legolas began to laugh again while searching for more objects. The preschool Middle Earth took this time to run around and grab stuff so Legolas couldn't get it. It is also said that during this time, Legolas took it upon himself to throw Galadriel's favorite clay-model of Celeborn's head (even if it did look like a Gollum) at Arwen. This is when Galadriel and Arwen began to ALSO plot the 'quick fading' of Legolas. Hidden next to Gollum's cage, the two females brainstormed ideas for the doom of the blonde elfing. Poor Legolas, everyone's against him.  
  
"Blonde elf's gone kawayzi!" Pippin stated from where he was under a table. The baby hobbit was hugging his stuffed oliphaunt tightly while sticking his lower lip out, giving him that adorable, irresistible baby look. Beside him, Merry nodded, a terrified look in his eyes.  
  
"Yeah, let's weave befores we gets killed'd!!" Merry replied in baby language. The hobbits nodded and the two of them began to crawl away. Suddenly, the barrage of not-so-pointy-objects and totally-not pointed objects stopped.  
  
"Wha happen to points?" asked a confused Merry to his cousin. Pippin shrugged, an endearing movement on his part.  
  
"Don know, maybe Elf ain't kawayzi after all." He suggested, crawling out from under the table. Both hobbits shook their red-haired heads.  
  
"NAH!"  
  
At this point, our esteemed Legolas is being held upside down by his foot by Teacher who is grumbling about his job. Legolas is trying valiantly to kick Teacher, but it doesn't seem to be working.  
  
"LET GO, YOU CAVE TROLL!!!" Legolas screeched in his high-pitched voice. Teacher was unaffected of course.  
  
"Cave Troll?! He has one? AND I DIDN'T KNOW?!?! WAAAHHHH!!!" Boromir cried and sat down on the ground. This was not a good day for the doomed future steward of Gondor. This morning his Mama had packed him an acorn and squid sandwich along with a thermos of hot water. Then his Daddy wouldn't let him ride the BIG horse to school, noo he had to take the pony! Did his father know how degrading it was to ride a pony to school when the little elves and Aragorn, the big, bad KING of Gondor, got to ride horses?! NOOOOO! And now his teacher had a cave troll, his favorite demon of the ancient world, and no one TOLD HIM!!! This was just too much!  
  
"WAAAAAHHHHH!!" Boromir wailed uncontrollably. Faramir rolled his eyes in the annoyed little brother way.  
  
"Suck it up will ya?" the younger of the brothers shouted. Boromir stared with water-filled eyes and scowled.  
  
"Daddy likes me more than you anyway!" he stated, crossing his arms. Faramir grinned wickedly. He began to bounce around his brother in a taunting manner.  
  
"That's okie-dokie because Daddy kills himself!!!" Faramir yelled and began jumping up and down. "NO MORE FAVORITES!!!" Faramir roared in his brother's face. Boromir smiled unexpectedly.  
  
"I get to be in the Fellowship, so HA!" he told a now angry Faramir who crossed his arms.  
  
"I don't care." Faramir hissed, but it was easy to tell that he did. Boromir grinned a five tooth grin.  
  
"Fary's angry!" he exclaimed, doing a dance of joy.  
  
"DON'T CALL ME FARY!!!!" Faramir screeched, launching himself at his bewildered older brother. The two rolled wrestled for a long time and when they finally stopped, Boromir's strawberry blonde hair was in a buzzcut and Faramir's favorite stuffed bear was nothing but a cloth skin. Brotherly love, how sweet.  
  
((Back to Legolas' dilemma and off the sidetrack))  
  
"LEMME GO!!!" Legolas screamed while punching and kicking. "MY DADDY WILL GET HIS ELVES AND THEY'LL HURT YOU WITH ARROWS AND STUFF!!" Legolas informed Teacher who just rolled his eyes.  
  
"You're going to Mordor and you will stay there, got it?" Teacher ordered the young wood elf who crossed his arms while upside-down.  
  
"No, I will not." He replied and then he began to sniffle. Teacher sighed.  
  
"What's wrong now?" he asked, holding Legolas up until he could see his face. Legolas gave a sob and then shouted at the top of his little immortal lungs.  
  
"YOU'RE REALLY ANNOYING ME AND MY FOOT HURTS!! PUT ME DOWN!!!!" Legolas roared, almost spitting in Teacher's face. Teacher glared, put him down, and walked the tiny elf to Mordor. Aragorn stood there and watched as Legolas was tossed into Mordor. He ran over to the craft table and began to empty his pockets out.  
  
"I will avenge my friend!!" Aragorn exclaimed and began trying to put his pieces of tin foil back together. "I WILL MAKE ANDY, THE PURPLE SWORD OF GRIFFIN!!!!!" Aragorn shouted and started to glue the pieces together. Arwen came over from her plotting and patted his arm.  
  
"Sure you will, Estel, sure you will." She soothed in that I-am-girl-you- must-listen manner that she commands. Aragorn ignored her, which made her mad. She stormed back towards Galadriel in an awful mood. After working feverishly with glue and staples for fifteen minutes, Aragorn gave a shout of jubilation.  
  
"I HAVE IT!!" he roared and began to run around the room, swinging the sticky mass of metal around in circles above his head.  
  
"Have what? GIVE IT BACK!!!" yelled Saruman from Orcbank, wondering if it was his lost Palantir that someone had stolen.  
  
"I KNEW YOU HAD IT!!! MINE!!!! GIVE IT TO ME, ISILDUR'S HEIR!!!" Sauron screeched as he decided Aragorn had stolen the one cardboard ring. Before the nerd could get his finger dislodged from his nose, Aragorn had already dashed away.  
  
"Isss itsss ssaaa Ringsssss?" asked a baby Nazgul, turning slowly to look at Aragorn who held up a bright blue flashlight.  
  
"Don't make me use this Bloom." He told the Nazgul who began yelling his robed head off.  
  
"WHAT!?!? MY NAME ISN'T BLOOM ANYMORE, IT'S GERALD!! Like that dude off Hey Arnold!" Bloom/Gerald roared and stamped off. Suddenly, the evil orc dude from FOTR got in his way.  
  
"Hey Bloom, what's going on?" asked the little orc. Bloom/Gerald let out a wail.  
  
"IITTTSSSS GGEERRALLLDDSSSSS!!!" he whacked the orc in the stomach and kept on screaming. Meanwhile, Aragorn was running around the room again in his happy fashion.  
  
"I HAVE IT! I HAVE IT!!" he sing-songed. He raced up to Sam and Frodo. "I HAVE IT!!" he screamed happily in their cute, little faces. Frodo's lower lip trembled. The curly headed child suddenly burst into tears.  
  
"WWAAAHHH!!!!" Sam gave Aragorn an evil look.  
  
"Stri'er, ook what ou do! Ou make poory Mista Fro-fro cry!" Sam yelled in baby-speech and patted Frodo on the shoulder. "It okay Mista Fro-fro." Sam told Frodo who continued to cry miserably to the utter dismay of Aragorn.  
  
"What's wrong Frodo? What'd I do?" Aragorn asked, slightly confused. Frodo stopped crying and glared at him.  
  
"ARWAGON LELLED IN MINE'S EAR!!!" Frodo screamed and resumed crying, but after a moment he added, "An Sam won't top callin' me Mista Fro-fro!!! BAWAAAAHHH!!!" Eowyn stomped over from the Rohan side of the classroom and poked Aragorn in the chest.  
  
"What are you doing to my poor defenseless hobbits?!" she shouted in a protective mother/deadly banshee tone. Aragorn gave her a bewildered look.  
  
"N-n-nothing! I didn't DO anything!" he told the unbelieving girl.  
  
"Likely story!" Eowyn snarled, glaring daggers at Aragorn who was now totally confused.  
  
"What?!" Aragorn shouted, flinging his arms out wide. "ALL I wanted to say is that I fixed Andy, purple sword of Griffin!" he stated, showing the muscular little girl his metal creation. She gave a scream of horror.  
  
"YOU WERE GOING TO LET MY HOBBITS TOUCH THAT?!?!" She pushed the boy down and grabbed the still wet 'sword'. Screaming like a ringwraith, Eowyn flung it to the ground and began to jump up and down on it. Aragorn watched with eyes as large as Boromir's shield as his only hope of saving his best friend was utterly destroyed. He gaped at Eowyn and then at the sword, back to Eowyn, back to the sword. With a surprising roar, Aragorn tackled the blonde girl like a mini-football player. The two preschoolers rolled around, knocking into chairs, tables, and other preschoolers. Frodo and Sam stared as their beloved protector began to rip out Aragorn's dark brown hair. Across the room, Eomer saw the future king of Gondor attack his little sister. Yelling an ancient Rohan warcry, the boy sped to the rescue, pushing stupid, short people out of the way. He flew at Aragorn, crashing both himself and the other boy to the ground. In Mordor, Legolas could hear their battle cries quite nicely, thanks to his elvish hearing. Jumping up from the bench he was sitting on, he walked over to the door and looked out the keyhole. Seeing the very cool fight that was going on, Legolas began yelling for Teacher to let him out. As usual, Teacher ignored the unlucky cries of the misfortunate and continued to read Pride and Prejudice.  
  
AN: Shall Legolas escape Mordor and help Aragorn fight Eowyn and Eomer? Will Aragorn be defeated? Will Blacky with a White Stripe ever be avenged? Will Redy with Gold Mane ride again as the living dead? Will Andy, the sword of Griffin be reborn? Will Sam stop calling Frodo Mista Fro-fro? ^_^ Till next chappie!  
  
TELWAR! (elvish 'late' with an r. ^_~) 


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